


Mystery Science Theater 3000 Fanfic Edition Episode 4: SNEAKY AGENT

by ZoisiteMoon



Series: Mystery Science Theater 3000 Fanfic Edition [4]
Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000, The Secret Show
Genre: Fanfic Riffing, Gen, MST3k-Style Riffing, agentmatt, badfic, badfic riffing, mike and the bots riff on a badfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22046542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoisiteMoon/pseuds/ZoisiteMoon
Summary: Following the events of "Mitchell," the Bots introduce their new human companion Mike to agentmatt and perhaps his worst fanfic yet... "SNEAKY AGENT."
Relationships: Anita Knight/Victor Volt
Series: Mystery Science Theater 3000 Fanfic Edition [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582591
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

_In the not-too-distant future  
Way down in Deep 13  
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank  
Were hatching an evil scheme! _

_They hired a temp by the name of Mike  
Just a regular joe they didn't like  
Their experiment needed a good test case  
So they conked him on the noggin and they shot him into space! (Get...me...doooown!) _

_"We'll send him cheesy fanfics!  
The worst we can find! (la la la)  
He'll have to sit and read them all  
And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la) _

_Now keep in mind Mike can't control  
Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la).  
He'll try to keep his sanity  
With the help of his robot friends! _

_Robot Roll Call  
Cambot! (Cover yourself!)  
Gypsy! (I'm not ready!)  
Tom Servo! (Hello there!)  
Crooooow! (That's one "o!") _

_If you're wondering how he eats and breathes  
And other science facts (la la la),  
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show.  
I should really just relax."  
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!_

Mike Nelson was still adjusting to his new reality: having to live in the Satellite of Love with the robots Joel had made to keep himself company. Until this point, Mike hadn't suspected that his bosses would try to get rid of him or even that they'd held contempt for him (or maybe he had, and he just didn't put that much thought into it). So for the time being, he had the Bots catch him up on everything that had happened so far. This, of course, included the tetralogy of "The Secret Show" fanfics written by agentmatt that the Bots had to read with Joel.

"You really think they're that bad?" Mike asked when Crow had regaled him of how awful and painstakingly boring agentmatt's fanfics were.

"We don't _think_ they're that bad," Crow replied. "We _know_ they're that bad."

"Well, what about Joel? How did he feel about them?"

"Same as us. They're awful, tedious, and super offensive towards women."

"So... the author is sexist?"

"Yes."

"And Joel was supposed to read 'SNEAKY AGENT' with you guys?"

"Yep, but now you'll have to suffer with us." Crow just sighed upon hearing the warning siren. "Speaking of..."

In an instant, Mike and the Bots focused their attention on the TV monitor in front of them.

"Hello, Mike," Dr. Forrester greeted with a mischievous inflection. "Frank and I have a little something special for you today."

"It's a fanfic, right?" Mike guessed. "And another agentmatt one at that?"

Dr. Forrester was caught slightly off-guard by that. "Well, yes. As you probably already know by now, we had Joel and the Bots read three terrible fanfics by a guy called agentmatt. They were part of a terribly-written tetralogy that could easily drive anyone to tears. This fanfic is called 'SNEAKY AGENT,' and it's the very last fanfic in that tetralogy. At least... it seems that way..."

"Does that mean there might be a fifth fanfic someday?"

"Well, he doesn't seem to have used his Fanfiction.net account since 2012, so probably not. Now get to work. This is his longest fanfic yet at eleven chapters."

********************

_Agent Sneaky_

"Starring Sean Connery as James Bond," Servo said.

_Victor and Anita were both getting ready for work like any other day. Victor and Anita both were giving both Victor Jr., and Vanessa their bottles. Just before they dropped them off at Victor's mother Mildred Volt's house so they can go to work Anita looked at victor and said " we have the most beautiful children."_

"Kinda making it obvious something bad will happen to the kids, agentmatt," Crow said.

_"we sure do." replied Victor with a smile of pride on his face._

"'A smile of pride on his face?'" Mike asked. "Man, that's terrible writing if I've ever seen it."

"Well, I'm certainly not feeling any of Victor's damn pride in his children," Servo chimed in.

_Victor and Anita dropped Victor Jr. and Vanessa off at Mildred's house, They each gave both Victor Jr. and Vanessa a kiss on the forehead before heading off to another day at work._

"Well, they seem like nice enough parents at least," Crow said.

_Victor and Anita arrived at work did everything thing they had to do to everyday get to the main pod. With in five minutes they were in the briefing room._

Servo couldn't help but snicker. "'Everything thing?' Sounds like slang the young'uns would be using."

_"How is everyone doing today?" said Changed Daily._

_"Fine" said Victor._

_"good" said Anita._

_"doing great" said Professor Professor._

"Mediocre!" Crow and Servo yelled at the same time.

_"Before we begin began" Changed daily. He was about to speak again when one the the U.Z.Z. agents went up to him and handed him a letter. Changed daily looked at letter and read it outloud._

"Ooh," Mike sounded. "I wonder what it says."

_"Dear U.Z.Z._

_I went on a vacation this morning and I'm not sure when I'll be coming back or if I will be coming back at all, because I like my vacation spot and I might just move up here and stay up here but until everything is figured out I would have personally hand chosen a person to take my place. If I stay here I will miss all of you but for now good luck on your missons_

_Sincerely_

_Special Agent Ray_

_P.S. The person of my choosing will be wearing a pair of my sunglasses._

"Ah, it's probably nothing," Servo said dismissively.

_"Who's replacing Ray?" asked Victor._

_"Yeah who?" asked Anita._

_"I know" said Professor Professor._

_"WHO?" said both Victor and Anita at the same time._

"Ooh, I hope it's Pierce Brosnan," Servo piped up.

_Just then the shadow figure that looked quite familiar was at the briefing room door._

"Subtle, agentmatt," Crow quipped. "Real subtle."

_"Okay everybody" began Professor Professor "meet Ray's replacement Special Agent Alphonse" Victor and Anita were both angry._

"Guys, I have a question," Mike began to speak.

"Ask away, Mike," Crow said.

"Exactly when in the series did Victor and Anita ever show outward hatred?"

"They didn't. It's just that the author ships them together, but he hates Alphonse because he gets in the way. Hence why our power couple has to hate his guts and Alphonse has to be an asshole."

"Oh, okay."

_"Hi Victor" began Alphonse with an evil smile, "hi Anita, hi Professor Professor hi…..What's your name?"_

"Great job being subtle on how evil you are, Alphonse," Servo quipped sarcastically.

_"Well" began Changed Daily "as you know for reasons of security my name is Changed Daily today you may call me" his communicator beeped "OHH" "Peter's Plumped Pecan Pie._

"Sounds like a tongue-twister," Crow said.

_Everybody started laughing._

_"Hi peter's plumped pecan pie" said Alphonse._

_Today began Peter's Plumped Pecan Pie" Victor and Anita will be going over the T.H.E.M. base to take away the new improved un-invent ray before the expandables get it working_

_"NO" began Alphonse "er… um… I mean there might be a trap._

Servo couldn't help but laugh at how transparently evil Alphonse was being written as.

_"Good thinking" said Professor Professor "I'll invent something that can help Victor and Anita detect traps._

_"Better yet" began Alphonse "I'll" go and get it, after all I can use the practice."_

_"Swell thinking said Professor Professor."_

"Gee, you sure are swell, Alphonse!" Crow said while imitating Professor Professor.

_so Alphonse got on his new skybike. And flew off towards the T.H.E.M. base. "That was close" Alphonse said talking to himself. Alphonse arrived at T.H.E.M. walked in And greeted Doctor Doctor._

Servo and Crow let out loud gasps while pretending to be shocked.

_"What is U.Z.Z. up to now Alphonse"_

_"Nothing much" began Alphonse, they want me to obtain the un-invent ray so I will need the replica to bring back with me, they were going to send Victor and Anita but I insisted they send me."_

Servo scoffed at this. "Great plan. Oh, I mean, wow, what a great idea!"

_"how did you get U.Z.Z. to listen to you?" Asked Doctor Doctor._

_"Easily" began Alphonse "I lied and told them I can use the practice._

"Seriously, Doctor Doctor," Crow began. "You've really outdone yourself this time. You snagged a totally out-of-character Alphonse. Could this get any better?"

_"Good work" Special Expandable Alphonse they would have stopped at nothing to get the un-invent ray"_

"Isn't he just a double agent, though?" Mike asked.

"Special Expendable, double agent, same thing," Crow replied.

_"Thank you Doctor Doctor" said alphonse_

_"No" began Doctor Doctor" "Thank you."_

"Oh, c'mon, just make out already!" Servo yelled at the two villains.

_Alphonse grabbed the replica un-invent ray and headed back to U.Z.Z. "Good work Alphonse" said peter's plumped pecan pie. Professor Professor took the replica un-invent ray not knowing at all it was a fake._

"Good job, Alphonse," Crow said. "Those UZZ bastards won't know what hit them."

_Victor and Anita were both staring at each other "Now he is better than us" mumbled Victor._

"I thought he was just better than Victor?" Mike spoke up, confused.

_"What was that asked" Alphonse._

"No one asked you anything," Crow said. "Oh, wait, the author just misplaced a quotation mark from where it should be. Never mind."

_"Nothing" replied Victor with an Angry voice._

"I'm certainly not jealous of you or anything, b-baka," Servo said while imitating Victor.

_Later on that night after Victor and Anita got home from work. Victor and Anita were talking about how boring it was at work earlier that day and how Alphonse is ray's replacement._

"We all know you're just jealous," Mike said.

_"I can't believe this" began Victor "Out of everybody that ray could have chose to take his place he had to choose Alphonse."_

_"I don't like his choice either" began Anita but until ray comes back, well if ray comes back we will have no choice but to work with Alphonse"_

"Boorrring!" Crow yelled out. "Get to the good stuff!"

_"I know began" Victor 'this is going to be…Wait a minute" began Victor. "Something is not right here."_

"What about this fanfic has been right so far?" Mike asked.

_"What do you mean?" asked Anita._

"I thought you were supposed to be the smart one, Anita," Crow said.

"Apparently not," Mike replied.

_"Since when does ray go on vacation in such a short notice? "I don't know" began Anita "Every other time he went on a vacation he.." "Constantly bragged about how many days it was until his vacation" said both Victor and Anita at the same time._

Mike just sighed. "I wish I could believe that."

_"But" began Victor "Ray didn't say anything about a vacation."_

"That's right," Crow began. "If your friend goes off somewhere without telling you, don't always assume they went on vacation. They might've actually been kidnapped... or worse."

"Now I know!" Mike exclaimed.

Crow nodded. "And knowing is half the battle."

"G.I. Joe..." Servo sang.

_"That can mean a lot of things" said Anita._

"And those things would be...?" Crow asked. "Okay, fine, don't tell us."

_"Yeah" began Victor "I guess your right, but that doesn't explain why Alphonse was acting so weird today, I mean when we were supposed to go to the T.H.E.M. base he yelled No stammered for a minute and then said there might be a trap, but if there is a trap how was he sure he wouldn't end up getting trapped?"_

"It's called training," Servo said. "Look into it!"

_"He also said he could use the practice" began Anita "But if he still needs practice how would he be able to get out of a trap."_

"Training, you dumbass!" Crow yelled. "Have you heard of it?"

_"And" began Victor "How come it didn't look like he had to put up a fight with T.H.E.M."_

"Maybe he has a lot more experience than you give him credit for," Mike replied. "After all, if what the Bots told me is to be believed, Alphonse has fought alongside you guys before!"

_He also got the un-invent ray without any back up" added Anita_

"Weren't you supposed to be the back-up?" Crow asked.

_"I bet you that un-invent ray was a fake" said Victor "I'll be right back" said Victor after he grabbed his communicator and his camcorder._

"And you came to this conclusion... how?" Mike asked curiously.

_Where are you going" asked Anita._

"Sorry, sweetie," Crow said. "You can't help your husband and the father of your kids out on his little investigation. This is _man's_ work."

_To the T.H.E.M. base to see what I can find out."_

_"Be careful" said Anita"_

"Please, Victor," Servo said flatly. "I wouldn't want you to get hurt or killed or anything."

_"I will" said Victor._

_He gave Anita a kiss on the lips and the he gave both Victor Jr. and Vanessa each a kiss on the forehead and then Victor was off._

"Detective Victor is on the case!" Crow exclaimed.

_TO BE CONTINUED…._

"So Mike, what do you think so far?" Servo asked his new human companion.

"Uh..." Mike replied, uncertain of what to make of it. "I'm not sure. This is probably the best this fanfic will get, right?"

"Yep," Crow replied. "It's all downhill from there."


	2. Chapter 2

_Victor got on his skybike and flew all the way over to the T.H.E.M. base. Victor carefully and quietly hid is skybike behind some bushes this way if Doctor Doctor or any of the expandables come outside they won't see the skybike and get suspicious._

"Get suspicious, huh?" Crow asked. "You don't say..."

_Victor then headed toward the back the T.H.E.M. base. Victor was about to head towards the right end of the building when he heard some talking._

"I wonder who it is..." Mike mused aloud.

_Doctor Doctor began to someone who sounded very familiar to Victor._

"She began to what?" Servo asked, confused by how grammatically terrible the sentence was. "What's happening?"

_"That person sounds very familiar" thought Victor, then it hit him "that is Alphonse's voice."_

"I don't think Alphonse even spoke there, pal," Crow said. "Are we sure you're not just being paranoid?"

_"what would Alphonse be doing here" thought Victor "I better record this." victor didn't have enough time to set up his camcorder so he grabbed his communicator._

"Great thinking, Victor," Servo said. "Do what any regular secret agent would be doing in this situation."

_Victor's communicator didn't have a lot of power left so he was only able to record sound. "I'll charge the battery later" thought Victor who pressed record to record everything he hears._

"Thank you for that," Mike said dryly.

_Just then Doctor Doctor began to talk "Did Professor Professor discover that the un-invent ray he has is fake?."_

"Why exactly do they need a fake un-invent ray anyway?" Mike asked. "Is it supposed to distract the U.Z.Z. agents while they use the real un-invent ray?"

"You'd think so," Crow replied. "But guess what? It barely has any effect on the plot. In fact, it's barely even mentioned at all throughout this fanfic."

"So... there's no point to having it in the story?"

"Nope."

Mike sighed at this. "Okay, then."

_"Not yet" began Alphonse "he just thinks that T.H.E.M. was just bluffing with U.Z.Z so that T.H.E.M could try to look better than U.Z.Z. even though T.H.E.M. is much better than U.Z.Z."_

"So... T.H.E.M. was lying to make itself look better in comparison to U.Z.Z.?" Servo asked. "Even though it already thinks it's better than U.Z.Z.? Does that make any sense to you guys?"

"Not really," Crow replied.

Mike just shook his head. "Not to me, it doesn't."

_"U.Z.Z. doesn't suspect anything about you?" asked Doctor Doctor._

"Clearly not," Crow said.

_"Not at all" began Alphonse with an evil Laugh "not at all Ha ha ha ha ha."_

"Man, this author hates subtlety," Servo said.

_"You are indeed a loyal expandable Alphonse" began Doctor Doctor "very loyal"_

"God, I wish they would hurry up and kiss," Crow said anxiously.

_"I have to go let Anita hear this" thought Victor "and then I have to go to the main pod at U.Z.Z. and let Professor Professor, and Peter's Plumped Pecan Pie hear this." Victor waited to everyone at the T.H.E.M. base was asleep, then he went behind the bush, grabbed his skybike and went back home To his Wife Anita and his Kids Victor Jr. and Vanessa._

"Yawn," Mike said.

_As soon as victor arrived at his house he woke Anita up. Anita jumped. "what's going on Victor" asked Anita "what's going on, and did you find out anything" "I sure did and Anita you have to hear this" replied Victor. "Hear what" asked Anita. "when I was at the T.H.E.M. base" began Victor "I heard some talking, in fact I heard a very familiar voice"_

"Yawn," Crow said.

_"We fight Doctor Doctor all the time so obviously her voice is going to be very familiar" said Anita. "I did hear Doctor Doctor talk" said Victor "but that is not the voice I was talking about" "so who's voice did you hear or at least thought you heard?" asked Anita._

"Yeah, Victor," Servo said. "Whose voice did you hear? I wanna hear you confirm your suspicions."

_"well at first" began Victor "I thought to myself that that voice sounds familiar, then it hit me it was Alphonse's voice"_

"Holy crap!" Crow exclaimed. "I'm on the edge of my seat, guys!"

_"Are you sure" asked Anita. "I'm positive replied Victor "Anyway" continued Victor " what I want you to hear is what I recorded, all I got is sound because I didn't have enough battery power to record a video, but I recorded some talking that you might find very interseting" so Victor played the recording._

"And then the next morning, he plays the recording for Professor Professor and Peter's Plumped Pecan Pie, right?" Mike asked. "Then the fanfic will be over, right?"

Crow just chuckled. "Oh, Mikey. You're giving agentmatt way too much credit here."

_Anita then listened to everything that Dcotor Doctor and Alphonse had said. She heard everything from Doctor Doctor talking about the fake un-invent ray to asking about whether not U.Z.Z. is onto Alphonse to Alphonse talking about U.Z.Z. and how he thinks T.H.E.M. is better than U.Z.Z. to Doctor Doctor saying how Alphonse is a loyal expandable. Anita was shocked._

"I'd be shocked, too, if it turned out my ex-boyfriend was working with a terrorist group," Servo said.

_"I have got to let Professor Professor and Peter's Plumped Pecan Pie know about this" said Victor._

"Yes, please!" Mike begged of him.

_"You should" began Anita "only" "Only what" asked Victor" "only" began Anita "Professor Professor isn't going to believe you."_

"What?" Mike asked, confused. "Why?"

_"That's right" began Victor because he knows that I don't get along with Alphonse and he will think that I am just trying to get rid of Alphonse."_

"What?" Crow asked increduously. "No, he doesn't! Nobody knows that! And why would he think that Victor was lying to try to get rid of Alphonse? He has a recording of him talking with one of their most notorious enemies! This thing should be over in three chapters!"

_"And to make it worse" began Anita "Professor Professor will say a lot of things to Peter's Plumped Pecan Pie to make him believe Alphonse instead of you and then you will get suspended"_

"Wow," Servo began. "I mean, I knew that Professor Professor was an asshole in the show, but I don't recall him being _that_ much of an asshole."

_"And then Alphonse will get away with it and he will also get rewarded to."_

"Way to rub it in, honey," Mike said.

_"Man" began Anita "Alphonse is one sneaky rat." "You've got that right" said Victor "U.Z.Z. calls Alphonse special agent Alphonse, they should really call him Sneaky Alphonse." "Or" began Anita "Sneaky Agent Alphonse."_

"Ah, ah, there it is," Crow sounded. "He said it! He said it! He said the name of the fanfic!"

_"I'm going to go to bed right now" began Victor "but tomorrow night I am going to go back the T.H.E.M. base and see what else I can find out because U.Z.Z. doesn't ever listen to me, and if U.Z.Z. won't help me then I will have to do this myself." so Victor went to bed._

"You're forgetting about Anita, though..." Mike pointed out.

"Mike, it's no use," Crow said. "This fanfic is too stuck up its own ass."

_The next day just like everyday Victor and Anita had to go through all the processes to get into the main pod at U.Z.Z. in the briefing room Peter's Plumped Pecan Pie began to speak "Doctor Doctor is bringing back old inventions, and in doing so is a breech in security, and I take security very seriously, and for reasons of security my name is changed daily today you may call me" his communicator beeped "OHHHH.. Lazy Lazy Lima Bean." Victor and Anita laughed. Everything else that happened that whole day was just as boring as the day before with Alphonse doing all the work, but little did Alphonse know victor was on to him._

"Yay..." Mike, Servo, and Crow all said with zero enthusiasm in their voices.

_Later on that night Victor made sure his communicator was charged._

"Oh yeah, can't forget that part," Servo said.

_Victor gave Anita a kiss, and gave both Victor Jr. and Vanessa a kiss on the forehead and just like the night before victor was off. Just like the night before when Victor arrived at the T.H.E.M. base he hid his skybike and hid behind the building. Victor didn't see anything suspicious nor did he see Alphonse._

"Sorry, Victor," Mike said. "Maybe try again tomorrow."

_"Maybe nothing is going on tonight" thought Victor when he saw some grass that looked like a rug over towards the right side of the building. Victor ran over toward it. It was fake._

"Because rugs that resemble grass are very suspicious," Crow said.

_Victor pulled it up. Under is was a hidden door that leads underground._

"Wow, I'm so shocked!" Mike exclaimed. "Finally, something interesting might happen."

_Victor heard some sounds coming from under the door. "It sounds like a man with tape on his mouth" thought Victor._

"How did you come to that brilliant conclusion?" Crow asked sarcastically.

_Victor opened the door slowly climbed down the stairs. When victor got to bottom he notice a man laying down in a cage covered with chains and duct tape with his hands cuffed trying to free himself._

"Ooh, kinky!" Crow exclaimed.

_Victor shined the light on his communicator. Victor could now clearly see the._

"See the what?" Servo asked. "Finish your damn sentences before ending them!"

_Victors eye's got wide seeing victor shouted "AGENT RAY."_

"Dun dun dun..." Crow sang.

_TO BE CONTINUED………………………………........................._

"Why do you need that many ellipses?!" Mike asked while frustrated with the author.

"Who cares?" Crow asked back. "We now have nine chapters left to sit through."


	3. Chapter 3

_Victor stared and stared at Ray in disbelief, trying to understand how he got there._

"Haven't you figured it out yet, Victor?" Mike asked. "Someone obviously put him in there."

_"I've got to get you out of here" said Victor. Victor pulled out his laser gun and shot at the cage until the bars broke off. Victor approached agent Ray and pulled the duct tape off of agent Ray's face. "OW" yelled Agent Ray, apparently Victor pulled the tape off too hard._

"Thank you for that," Servo said.

_"WHERE'S ALPHONSE" shouted Ray with anger "WHERS'S ALPHONSE." "At U.Z.Z" began Victor "at U.Z.Z. in the main pod. "Why is he in U.Z.Z. in the main pod?" asked Ray. "He is substituting for you remember the letter you sent when you went on vacation."_

"Yeah, Ray," Crow began. "You remember those things you did the other day, right?"

_"Letter?" asked agent Ray. "Yeah" began Victor "like I said, you sent a letter U.Z.Z. about you going on a vacation and that you were not really sure if you were coming back, and that you wanted Alphonse to take your place until you decide what you want to do, I mean in the letter you specifically said that you hand chose Alphonse to take your place." "I did no such thing" began Agent Ray_

"Dun dun dun!" Mike sang.

_"first of all I did not write that letter, second of all I would never chose Alphonse to take my place." "Why not" Victor asked out of curiosity._

"Yeah, Ray," Servo began. "Why not?"

_"Well" began Ray "for one you and Alphonse don't get along so you two would definitely have a hard time working together, I mean I can name many other different reasons such as he is the reason why nobody at U.Z.Z. ever listens to you, he will just try to have you reassigned or whatever way we can, get rid of you just so that he can try to steal Anita from you, and, not only that he has had absolutely no training what so ever to be even a normal agent let along a special agent."_

"So... what does Alphonse taking an already married Anita have to do with anything?" Crow asked. "And how would reassigning Victor get big bad Alphonse anywhere closer to Victor's wife? I don't understand!"

_"You do have a point" Victor paused for a second "wait a minute you've noticed everything he has done to me in the past?" asked Victor._

"Uh, yeah?" Mike answered. "He just listed the reasons you were asking for."

_"I have" replied Agent Ray. "Maybe we should stop talking and get out of here" said Victor. "yeah we really should" said Ray._

"Yes!" Servo and Crow yelled simultaneously. "Please! Move it along already!"

_"Alright" began Victor "stay there I'm going to shoot the chains with my laser gun to free you" "Stay here?" asked ray "I'm restrained I'm not going anywhere until you blast these chains off of me." "Okay here go's nothing" said Victor as he shot his laser gun freeing Agent Ray. "Now about those handcuffs" said Victor he then shot the handcuffs breaking them now Agent Ray was free._

"Okay, now move the fanfic along, please," Mike said.

_As ray and Victor started heading out Victor asked Ray "Did you know Alphonse is working for .M."_

"Who's '.M?'" Crow asked.

"I think he meant T.H.E.M., Crow," Servo replied.

_"I already know" began Agent Ray "I was walking near the T.H.E.M. base three nights ago looking for my sunglasses because earlier that day I dropped when I flew my skybike past here, anyway I was looking for my sunglasses when I saw Alphonse I asked him what he was doing here next you know I was attacked by ten expandables all I remember after that is seeing Alphonse come at me with a lead pipe and then I woke restrained on the inside of a cage in this secret underground area."_

"Wh-what?" Mike asked, dumbfounded by the stupidity on display. "Why didn't you just get another pair of sunglasses? Then you wouldn't have gotten yourself in that situation. But no, you had to get your _precious sunglasses_." He then sighed and facepalmed.

_" Alphonse did this to you?" asked Victor._

"Uh, yeah?!" Crow replied. "He just told you! What, can you not be bothered to pay attention during these things?!"

_"Yeah" began Agent Ray. " why else do you think I was yelling where's Alphonse earlier."_

"Because you wanted him to hurry up and save you?" Servo answered with another question.

_"Why don't we go to U.Z.Z. and let Professor Professor and Lazy Lazy Lima Bean know about all of this" Ray began to laugh "Lazy Lazy Lima Bean, that's was his new name earlier today Lazy Lazy Lima Bean." "Yeah" Victor Laughed "It was."_

"Time and place, guys!" Crow yelled while growing more and more impatient by the second.

_"Before we do that" began Ray "I need to go to my house and get something" "Sure no problem " said Victor "we will go get whatever it is that you need from your house, and then we will go over to U.Z.Z." said Victor. So Ray and Victor jumped onto Victor's Skybike and off they were to Ray's House._

"Oh, of course," Mike said. "Don't part ways when you have something more important to do."

_Meanwhile back at Victor and Anita's house Anita was getting Little Victor Jr. and little Vanessa ready for bed. Anita Carefully tucked Vanessa in her crib and Victor Jr. in his crib Anita then pulled up a chair pulled a book out of the bookshelf and began to read to Victor Jr. and Vanessa. She was reading goldilocks and the three bears._

"Symbolism!" Servo yelled.

_Just as Anita began to read she heard a big bang coming from the living room. Anita quickly ran towards the living room to see what was going on. Anita was shocked to see the door broken down and Alphonse standing there with an evil smile on his face._

"He's evil, you guys!" Crow yelled. "Don't you get it? Totally evil... did I mention he's evil yet?"

_"Wh… What are you doing here?" asked Anita in a frightened voice. "This" said Alphonse as he pulled out a T.H.E.M. laser gun he tried to shoot Anita with it but Anita quickly dodged the shot._

"Woo-hoo!" Servo cheered. "Alright! Go, Anita!"

_Anita got a quick look at Alphonse laser and noticed that the laser had the T.H.E.M. logo on it._

"Dun dun dun!" Crow sang.

_"Your really working for T.H.E.M. aren't ?" asked Anita. Alphonse made an evil smile (in which he has done a lot lately) "Let my answer you like this" said Alphonse, and then bam he hit Anita over the head with his T.H.E.M. laser._

"Okay, I'm gettin sick of agentmatt using the term 'evil smile' for Alphonse," Mike began. "If I never have to see those words together again, it'll be all too soon."

"Besides that, I don't think Alphonse even knows how to use a laser gun properly," Crow said.

"He was using it properly a second ago, though..."

"Yeah, but we gotta show how evil Alphonse is by having him use a laser gun like it's a club."

_While Anita was slightly knocked out Alphonse did the worse thing he has ever done._

"And the worst thing he has ever done is...?" Servo asked.

_Alphonse ran into Victor Jr. and Vanessa's room took both Victor Jr. and Vanessa and took off. As he ran out the door Anita woke up but not in time to stop him._

"Lame!" Crow yelled. "That's not evil enough."

"You couldn't run after him, Anita?" Mike asked. "What, a little concussion and that's enough to defeat you? You're just going to let him run off with the babies after that? Okay."

_Alphonse took off Victor Jr. and Vanessa._

"We know!" Servo, Crow, and Mike all yelled simultaneously.

_Anita Ran into the kid's room to fin d that Victor Jr. and Vanessa were gone._

"Didn't you just say that Anita didn't wake up in time to stop him from taking her kids?" Crow asked. "Consistency, what the hell is that?"

_Back at Rays ray got what he wanted to get his laser gun, his skybike, and his id and badge so he can get into U.Z.Z. Victor and Ray were just about to board their skybikes when Victor's Communicator went off. Victor picked up._

"Gotta type in some of that sweet filler," Servo said.

_"Hello." Anita came on and said "I need you to come home hurry." "What happened" asked Victor now worried about was what was going on. "Alphonse" said Anita. "Alphonse what" began Victor "He did something didn't he, What did he do?" "He" began Anita "he broke into our house hit his a T.H.E.M. laser gun" Anita began to cry "and the he. "He what" asked Victor. "Anita started crying hard when she said "He kidnapped our Victor Jr. and Vanessa"_

"Oh no," Mike said flatly. "I hope Victor and Ray can save the kids..."

_TO BE CONTINUED………………………………........................................................._

"Alright..." Crow began. "Three down, eight more to go."

Servo just started sobbing. He didn't want to have to read any more of this stupid fanfic.


	4. Chapter 4

_"I'm on my way" said Victor who punched the skybike hard enough to put a dent in it. "Ray" I need your…" Ray cut Victor off. "I heard everything , I'll be glad to help you."_

"Wasn't he already right beside you?" Mike asked, confused.

"Who cares?" Servo asked back. "Let's move on."

_"Thanks ray" said Victor. "No problem" said Ray "what are friends for?"_

"Touching..." Servo said flatly.

_Victor and Ray both got on their skybikes and were on their way to Victor and Anita's house. "First" began Victor "I'm going to see if Anita is okay, then I'm going look for Alphonse and when I find him I am going to make him pay."_

"I'm going to make him pay the Steven Seagal way!" Crow yelled while imitating Victor.

_"Victor be careful what you do to him for you could… never mind" said Ray "I could what?" asked Victor. "Well" began Ray "you could lose your job." "That's a risk I'm willing to take" said Victor "I'm not letting him get away this."_

"Oh yeah," Servo said while also imitating Victor. "I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him dead!"

_"Just don't do anything stupid" said Ray. With in five minutes they were at Victor and Anita's house. Victor was so mad he didn't even focus on the broken door or any other damage, he just ran into the house as fast as he could to see if Anita is Okay._

"Because that's what a _man_ does," Crow said.

_Victor saw Anita in the hallway crying. " Anita are you okay?" asked Victor. "I'm fine" said Anita "I just want our kids back."_

"Wait a minute," Mike began. "You're not going to do anything? I would've thought your maternal instincts would be stronger than that, Anita."

_"We're going to find him, and then we are going to get our kids back." Victor then noticed that Anita had her hand on the left side of her head. "Your holding the spot where he hit you didn't he." "Yes" replied Anita "I am"_

Servo and Crow gasped together.

"Oh no," Crow said while feigning concern. "He hit a poor defenseless woman!"

"Oh, the horror!" Servo exclaimed with the same inflection.

_"Please take your hand off your head so I can see where he hit you." Anita took her hand off her head revealing an inch long cut with bruise. Victor got even more angry at the site of Anita's head cut open from Alphonse hitting her with a laser gun._

"Because that's how men are supposed to react!" Servo exclaimed.

"What a man," Crow said.

_"Alright this is what I'm going to do" began Victor "My mom volunteers as a nurse three times a week so I am going to bring you to her house so she can fix the cut on your head, then I'm going after Alphonse."_

"How about a Band-Aid, Victor?" Mike asked. "Don't you have those in your house?"

_"Do you want me to look for him with you?" asked Anita "No it's too dangerous" replied Victor._

All Crow could do was laugh. Then he yelled, "What the fuck is this shit?!"

"Crow!" Mike exclaimed. "Language!"

"Sorry. It's just... this fanfic is so infuriating."

"I know."

_"But Victor" began Anita "you can't go by yourself, you… you could get hurt, Victor you can't go by yourself." "He's not" said Agent Ray as he appeared by the door "I'm going with him."_

"Don't mind me," Servo said while imitating Ray. "I was just waiting for my cue."

_"Agent Ray" began Anita I thought you were on vacation." "I wasn't" began Ray "I was trapped at T.H.E.M. in an underground cage luckily Victor found me and freed me." "What happened?" asked Anita._

"You tell me, Anita!" Crow yelled. "Nothing about this fanfic has made sense so far!"

_"Ray and I will both explain everything to you later, right now we need to get you to my mother's to fix that cut and then ray and I got to find Alphonse and get the kids before it is too late."_

"God, the author loves explaining things, doesn't he?" Servo asked.

_Ray noticed cut right after victor pointed it out. "Alphonse has gone to far this time" began Victor "I am going to show him a side of me that no one has ever seen before."_

"He hasn't _seen_ angry 'til he's seen _me_ angry!" Crow yelled while imitating Victor.

_Victor and Anita got on Victor's skybike, and Ray got on his. They then took off. In a few minutes they were at Victor's mother Mildred's house. Victor and Anita walked in. Mildred said "hi" and then noticed the cut on Anita's head. "What happened. Wh. Whre's my grandchildren?" asked Mildred. "Alphonse broke in our house hit me with a laser gun, and then kidnapped Victor Jr. and Vanessa" said Anita. "where were you then Victor" asked Mildred_

"Does it _matter_ where he was?" Mike asked.

_"I was at the T.H.E.M. base" replied Victor. "why were you there" asked Mildred "I trying to find clues because Alphonse has been acting suspiciously and just yesterday I found out he was working for T.H.E.M., I was just trying to see if I can get evidence to bust him" replied Victor._

Servo and Crow couldn't help but groan at all the filler in this chapter so far.

_"Oh" said Mildred" victor started getting angry "mom" began Victor I would love to stay and chat but if I don't fin my kids god knows what Alphonse will do to them."_

"What a caring dad," Mike said.

_"I hope you find my grandchildren." said Mildred "let me call U.Z.Z. and get you some back up." "that's not necessary" began Victor "I already have Agent Ray outside waiting to help me." "I thought he was on vacation" said Mildred_

"Why does everyone need to know where he was?" Crow asked. "Is this supposed to be a running gag? Because it's not funny."

_"No the letter was fake he attacked and then restrained in cage under the T.H.E.M. base, I'll explain everything to both you and Anita Later." Victor gave his mom and Anita both a hug and then he was off._

"Why can't you explain now?" Mike asked.

"I wish I knew," Servo replied.

_Victor ran outside to see who was still standing there waiting. "Ready to go Agent Ray" asked Victor" "Ready" said Ray. The both jumped on their skybikes and were off to find Victor Jr. and Vanessa. "Where would Alphonse first go" Victor thought out loud. Victor and Ray looked right at each other and at the same time said "the abandoned art gallery."_

"Oh, goody, a plot point," Crow said sarcastically.

_"It's a perfect spot" began Victor "It's abandoned so there would be no one there to stop him." "But if he is not there?" asked Agent Ray. "If he is not there the only other place I can think of is at the T.H.E.M. base because U.Z.Z. wouldn't let him bring in kids that are not his without any written consent." replied Victor._

"Why would he want to take them there anyway?" Servo asked in frustration.

_"Victor" began Agent Ray "Alphonse is an artist he can sculpt, paint, draw, and make music." "What is your point" asked Victor. "If he can do all of that forging your signature will surely be an easy thing for him to do" replied Agent Ray. "That's right" began Victor "Since everybody at U.Z.Z. thinks he is working there now they probably let him get access to any papers that have my signature on it, such as my reports and my U.Z.Z. agreement forms."_

"Yep, that's right," Crow began. "U.Z.Z. is the kind of organization that will let just about anyone get their hands on confidential papers. Only the smartest people work there."

_"Exactly" began Agent Ray "all he has to do is stare at for a few minutes and then he can easily forge it, don't forget he could also learn Anita's too."_

"Damn," Servo said. "He must be one hell of an artist, then, if he has eidetic memory."

_Victor and Ray continued to talk wile they were riding their skybikes to the art gallery. Soon Victor and Agent Ray arrived at the abandoned art gallery. They looked around and went in side but no one was there. Victor and Agent Ray jumped back on their skybikes and started flying to the T.H.E.M. base. Just as Victor and Agent Ray were getting near the T.H.E.M. base. Victor said "lets split up I'll go check U.Z.Z and you check the T.H.E.M. base" "No need Victor, look" said Agent Ray. Victor looked to see Alphonse walking into the T.H.E.M. base with a small cage with what appeared to have two little babies inside. Victor's anger grew higher than it has ever grown. It was obvious who the babies were. Victor yelled "He put my kids in a cage."_

"Like I give a damn," Crow quipped.

_Victor and Agent Ray pulled out there laser guns. Victor and Agent Ray switch the motors on their skybikes to quiet mode._

"You could just turn the bikes off, guys," Mike said.

_"I've got an idea" said Victor. "Lay it on me" said Agent Ray._

Servo and Crow could only groan.

_"Instead of us both going in the front, I'll take the front and you take the back, this way one of us can distract Alphonse and the expandables meanwhile the other can get my kids freed." "Good plan" said Agent Ray "I'll be the one that distracts Alphonse and the expandables while you go and free your kids so if anything they don't capture you try to do to you what they did to me."_

"Sounds kinda obvious," Mike said.

_"Thanks ray, you're a good friend" said Victor._

"Bro hugs!" Crow yelled.

_"What if u get…." ray cut victor off "If they try anything I'll tell them Alphonse let me out and they will be so mad at him they will forget about me and I'll be able to escape." "No matter what our plan is going to work" began Victor_

Servo just laughed. "No, it's not."

_"okay now that we have our plan it's time to we stop Alphonse." "Ready Ray" said Victor. "Ready" said Agent Ray. Just like before Victor and ray both looked at each other. At the same Victor and Agent Ray said "LETS DO IT."_

"It's action time!" Mike yelled.

_TO BE CONTINUED………………………………........................................................._

Crow took in a deep breath before starting to scream. "PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT GO AWAY! AGENTMATT HAS NO CLUE HOW TO PUT A COHERENT THOUGHT TOGETHER!"

Mike sighed a breath of relief. "Alright. Four down, seven more to go."


	5. Chapter 5

_Victor and Agent Ray were now getting into position to execute their plan. Victor headed towards the back while Agent ray headed towards the front._

"Sounds simple enough," Mike said.

_Agent Ray watched as a couple of Expandables went down into the secret underground are of the T.H.E.M. base. "He's gone" yelled one of the expandables. "What do you mean he is gone" asked another expandable. "I mean he's gone as in he's not here, As in he escaped" "what are we going to do" began a third expandable "if Doctor Doctor finds out he escaped she' is going to flip out and e are all going to be in a lot of trouble."_

"Never make Doctor Doctor angry," Servo said. "You wouldn't like her when she's angry."

_Just then Agent Ray came out of hiding, and yelled "Looking for me." All of the expandables began to stare at Agent Ray. After about thirty seconds one of the expandables yelled "get him."_

"Slow to reacting there, guys," Crow said.

_Five expandables came running towards Agent Ray about to attack, they were quick but Agent Ray was quicker. Agent Ray pulled out his laser gun and started shooting taking down two of the expandables, Agent Ray then jumped off of his skybike and started fighting the expandables._

"When was he on a skybike?" Mike asked. "I'm so confused."

_Punch by punch, kick by kick Agent Ray took down another expandable, he then lifted one the expandables up and threw him against a tree._

"Step by step," Servo sang. "Bit by bit, stone by stone, brick by brick..."

_Agent Ray was so busy fighting expandables that he didn't see Alphonse watching from the inside of the T.H.E.M. base. "Who do they think they are fooling" Alphonse began to say to himself "I saw both of them before they spilt up, they don't know that I know what they are trying to do but I do, and since I do know everything I think I'm going to have a little fun, Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha….."_

"Yawn," Crow said.

_Alphonse then proceeded to the back the T.H.E.M. base. Alphonse then went into the room where he put the cage that contained Victor Jr. and Vanessa. Alphonse opened the cage grabbed both Victor Jr. and Vanessa and put two fake babies that he sculpted himself to look like Victor Jr. and Vanessa inside of the cage._

"So..." Mike began. "You went through the effort of kidnapping your ex-girlfriend's twins, putting them in a cage, and then taking them _out_ of the cage just so you could swap them with decoys... what are you trying to do here?"

_"And now to wait for Victor to come looking for them" thought Alphonse. Back at the outside of the back of the T.H.E.M base Victor was looking for a way to sneak in. "I've got to get inside there and free my kids before it is too late, but how do I get in?" thought Victor. Just then Victor noticed an open window that would lead him right into the back hallways of the T.H.E.M. base._

"How convenient!" Crow exclaimed.

_"That's it" Victor thought to himself "I'll just climb right through that window."_

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Servo asked. "Just do it!"

_Victor now knew exactly what to do. Victor climbed on the ledge of a lower T.H.E.M. floor window, he then stretched his arms and hands onto the ledge of the upper window that was open. In one fast motion victor jumped and successfully got up to the window, he then climbed in._

"You guys got that, right?" Crow asked.

"No," Mike replied.

"Nope," Servo also replied.

_"Now to go find my kids" thought Victor._

"Yes, please!" Crow and Servo simultaneously yelled.

_Victor looked around and didn't see any expandable. "Good" thought Victor "Ray probably has the expandables distracted." Victor started walking towards the back hallways when he heard a cage door close. "That might be the room" Victor said to himself quietly. Victor slowly and quietly walked towards the room, Victor looked around again just make sure no one was there, Victor then quietly walked into the room. The room was dark and didn't look like anyone had been in there._

"Because it was dark!" Mike yelled.

_"That's odd" victor said to himself "I thought I heard a cage being closed and the sound sounded like it cam from in here." Victor turned the light on not noticing that Alphonse was right behind him._

"Oh, snap!" Crow yelled.

_"My kids" yelled Victor happily thinking that the babies in the cage were his kids. It only took a minute for Victor to relies that those were just sculptures made to look like his kids._

"Uh, you guys saw that, right?" Mike asked. "Agentmatt just spelled 'realize' as 'relies.'"

"Oh my God..." Crow muttered. "I swear, this fanfic is going to be the death of us..."

_Victor was just about to throw a fit when a voice from behind him said "Looking for these two." Victor knew it was Alphonse._

"Of course it was Alphonse!" Servo yelled. "You just established that he was behind Victor!"

_Victor pulled out his laser gun and turned around just about to shoot when he saw that Alphonse was holding both Victor Jr. and Vanessa. "What are you going to do now?" asked Alphonse with a very evil smile "your not going to shoot me with laser."_

Mike groaned in frustration. "Enough with the evil smiles!"

_"Yes I will" said Victor. "You could" began Alphonse "but you won't, because your kids are in my arms, but if you want to shoot me with that laser go ahead but before you do it which one of your kids should I use as a shield Victor Jr. or Vanessa or better yet I think I will just use both."_

"Just kill the babies and get it over with!" Crow yelled.

_Victor was mad but he knew that if he shot his laser Alphonse really would use Victor Jr. and or Vanessa as shield, and because of how young they are if they get shot with the laser gun they could die._

Mike just sighed. "What can we even say to that that hasn't already been said?"

_Victor at this point was getting ready to do something that could kill him just to free his kids. "If I let you do what ever you want to me will you please leave Anita and my kids alone" asked Victor._

"Victor, what are you hoping to accomplish with that?" Crow asked. "Why the hell would you not just call for back-up at this point?"

_" I could make that deal but no I'd rather kill your kids, better yet I'd rather kill them in front of their mother and there grandmother, I think that is what I'm going to do after all we both know that Anita is at Your mother Mildred's house._

"And how exactly did he find out that Anita was at Mildred's house?" Servo asked. "And wait, if you were just going to kill the twins anyway, why did you bother with kidnapping them at all? Why didn't you just go into their room and shoot them in their cribs?"

"Because on top of being evil, Alphonse is also a dumbass," Crow replied. "Gotta keep this fanfic's stupid quota up somehow."

_Alphonse ran out with Victor Jr. and Vanessa in his arms, Alphonse then jumped on a T.H.E.M. skybike and took off. Back outside Ray was still fighting expandables when he saw Alphonse fly out on a T.H.E.M. skybike "he tricked us" thought Agent Ray. Just then Victor ran outside. "Ray Alphonse tricked us, he just took off with my kids" said Victor._

"No, he didn't!" Crow yelled at Victor. "You were given the opportunity to save them and you blew it! I take back what I said about you and Anita in Chapter 1! Your kids deserve better parents!"

_"I know" began Agent Ray I saw him, I was just about to tell you so we could chase him." "Lets not waste any time" began Victor "We have to stop him."_

"Why didn't you stop him earlier?" Servo asked. "There are plenty of places in this fanfic where it could end right there... but _no_. Agentmatt has to drag things out because apparently, he needs to reach a certain word-count or something."

_"We don't know where he is going" said Agent Ray. "I know where he is going" said Victor. "Where?" asked Ray. "To my mother's house he said he wants to kill my kids and that he wants to kill them in front of their mother and grandmother, and that he knows Anita is at my mother's house."_

At this point, Mike was sobbing, and it seemed like there was no stopping him.

_"He really said that?" asked Ray. "Yes" said Victor "that is exactly what he said."_

"Filler, filler, filler!" Servo and Crow sang. "Filler, filler, filler!"

_"We better hurry then" said Ray. "Let's just go stop him before it's to late" said Victor. Victor and Ray jumped on their skybikes and flew as fast as they could. Within five minutes they were at the back of Mildred's house. Victor and Agent ray froze to see that the front door was broken down._

"They were at the back of Mildred's house..." Servo began. "...but they could see that the _front_ door was broken down..."

"Space is warped and time is bendable," Crow quipped.

_TO BE CONTINUED………………………………........................................................._

"How much longer?" Mike asked while continuing to sob.

"Well, we just got through five chapters," Crow replied. "So just six chapters left."


	6. Chapter 6

_Inside Mildred's house Alphonse had Anita and Mildred tied up on a chair._

"Wait," Mike began. "What do you mean by that? Do you mean that they're tied to the same chair or to two different chairs? If it's the latter, then word your sentences better!"

_"You'll never get away with this Alphonse" said Anita. Alphonse started laughing an evil laugh "I already have gotten away with it, and because I did I think I'll just kill Victor Jr. and Vanessa, I have nothing to loose because in the end U.Z.Z. is not going to believe Victor and you not be talking to U.Z.Z. or else you'll be sorry" Alphonse took out his T.H.E.M. Laser gun and pointed it to Victor Jr's head._

"I don't care how this fanfic ends," Crow said. "I hope everyone dies."

_Back outside Ray and Victor were already in the front of Mildred's house staring at the broken down door. "he's already here" said Victor._

"And _now_ they're at the front of the house," Servo said. "No wonder it's taking them so long."

_Victor then ran as fast he could to get into his mother's house. "I hope I'm not to late" thought Victor._

"Oh no..." Servo uttered as flatly as he could. "I hope Victor and Ray can save the kids... or something."

_Agent Ray went towards the back of Victor's mother Mildre's house this way he can sneak up on Alphonse when Alphonse least expects it. As Victor was going into the house he just knew Alphonse was already inside torturing Anita and Mildred he just knew it._

"Hurry up and save your wife and mom already!" Crow yelled.

_Back inside Alphonse was just getting ready to shoot when he heard a voice yell "Stop" it was Victor. "Put my kids down" said Victor. Victor then noticed that his mother Mildred and his Wife Anta were not in the living room._

"Sorry, Victor," Mike said. "You're too late."

_"Where's my wife and where's my mother" asked Victor. "Well" began Alphonse "lets just say they are incapable of doing anything to help free your kids." Victor didn't realize that Anita and Mildred were in the kithen tied to a chair. Victor looked at his kids and tried to figure out what he should do and where his mom and Anita were._

Mike just facepalmed. "Seriously? You couldn't have tried to save the kids yourself earlier? You couldn't have tried calling for backup at all? We're really supposed to be rooting for you?"

_Meanwhile in the kitchen. Anita and Mildred tried to figure out how to free themselves. Anita heard Victor's voice. "Victor's here" thought Anita." Anita and Mildred tried to walk in separate directions so they could break the chairs and the rope._

"So let me get this straight..." Crow began. "Anita and Mildred are perfectly capable of freeing themselves... but they're too weak against Alphonse?" He let out a heavy sigh. "Okay."

_Back outside Agent Ray was near the backdoor which goes into the kitchen. Ray was ab out to go to front when he heard some noise coming from the kitchen. "Iv'e heard this sound before thought Agent Ray but where" thought Agent Ray. Then it hit him. "Oh no when I restrained at the secret underground area of the T.H.E.M. base I made the same sounds when I was trying to free myself."_

"Brilliant detective work, Ray," Servo said sarcastically.

_After thirty seconds Agent Ray said quietly to himself "That's it, I'm going in." Agent Ray tried to open the door but it was locked, so Agent Ray took out his laser gun and shot the lock off of the door. "I'll fix that door for them later" said Agent Ray who was pretty sure that with everything that has been going him breaking the lock is probably one of the last things that Mildred was going to be conserned about._

"Did we really need to read that?" Crow asked.

_Ray then ran into the Mildred's house an d saw that Anita and Mildred were tied to chairs. At first Anita and Mildred were worried about who that might be coming inside the kitchen door, but they felt a bit of relief to see that it was Agent Ray._

"A bit of relief?" Mike asked, confused.

_"I knew I recognized that sound" thought Agent Ray as he ran up to Anita and Mildred who were still trying to free themselves. Agent Ray was just about to ask if Victor came in yet when he heard Victor and Alphonses Voices coming from the living room. "I hear that Victor is already here" began Agent Ray "and he needs my help" right after Agent Ray said that, he figured out how he can help Victor and Anita. "I've got it" began Agent Ray "I know how we can safely free Victor Jr. and Vanessa." "How" asked Anita who managed to get the duct tape off her mouth._

"When did they have duct tape over their mouths?" Crow asked, just as confused as Mike.

_"First" began Agent Ray "I have to free you and Mildred from those chairs" said Ray as he picked up his laser gun._

"Well, duh!" Servo exclaimed.

_"Okay stay still" said Agent Ray, he then shot the ropes and soon Anita and Mildred were freed. Mildred slowly moved the duct tape from her mouth. "Okay" began Mildred "what is the second part of your plan." "The second part of my plan" began Agent Ray "Is for you two to go outside to my skybike, in the compartment under the seat I have a couple of extra laser guns. "Lets go get them" said Anita. "After you get them come right back here" said Agent Ray. So Anita and Mildred ran outside and right behind a tree was Agent Ray's skybike. Anita quickly pulled up the seat and reached into the compartment where the seat was and pulled out two of the three laser guns Agent Ray had in there._

"Yawn," Crow said.

"Also, Ray went from having two extra laser guns to three," Mike pointed out. "I guess the third laser gun was in hammerspace."

_Anita handed one of the laser guns to Mildred. Just as Agent Ray instructed, Anita and Mildred went right back into the Kitchen. "Now for part three" said Agent. "This is what we are going to do" began Agent Ray "I'm going to sneak into the living room and I want you two to hang out in the front, and when I do sneak into the living room I'm going to signal to Victor to keep Alphonse stalled, and then I'm going to quickly smack Alphonse in the head with my laser gun, and then I want you two to run in and catch Victor Jr. and Vanessa because when I hit him in the head with my laser gun he will most likely drop them."_

"How about calling for backup, Ray?" Crow asked. "You could just do that and the fanfic would end right here."

_Anita didn't like the idea that Alphonse was most likely going to drop her kids and Mildred didn't like the idea of her Grandkids getting dropped but they both knew if they don't do something soon Victor Jr. and Vanessa won't be alive at all, and besides if Anita and Mildred run in the living room as soon as Agent Ray hits Alphonse in the head with laser they can catch Victor Jr. and Vanessa so they won't fall at all._

"One sentence..." Mike muttered. "That was all... one sentence. Oh, God, it's so painful to read. None of this deserves explaining at all. The readers should know all this already."

_"Alright" began Agent Ray "Are you two ready?" "I'm ready when you are" said Anita. "I'm ready to" said Mildred. "Very well" said Agent Ray "It's time to stop Alphonse."_

"We've still got five chapters left of this thing," Crow said. "So whatever you're going to do here won't work."

_Anita and Mildred ran out to the front of Mildred's house. Ray slowly and quietly walked towards the door to the living room. "This is it" Agent Ray began to think to himself "there's no turning back. I'm going to my Friends Victor and Anita, and I'm going to get my revenge for being restrained in that cage in the secret underground area at the T.H.E.M. base, and most importantly I'm going to help save two little children" Ray slowly put his hands on the door knob "It's on" said Agent Ray and soon he was in the living room._

"Oh, it's on, alright," Servo said. "But I don't know how much more of this we can take."

_TO BE CONTINUED………………………………........................................................._

"Alright, guys," Mike began. "We made it to the halfway point. And now... it's time to move on to Chapter 7."


	7. Chapter 7

_The further in the living room Agent Ray got the slower and slower he walked._

"Anything to pad out the fanfic," Crow said.

_Now Agent Ray was two feet behind Alphonse. Victor felt a little relief as he saw Agent Ray._

"A little relief?" Mike asked. "I'd be feeling hella relieved if I saw my friend coming to my aid."

_Victor was about to speak when Agent Ray put his finger on his mouth signaling Victor to be quiet. Victor then gave Agent Ray that look that says "Okay."_

"Padding, padding, padding!" Servo and Crow sang. "Padding, padding, padding!"

_"Now to finish off Victor Jr. and Vanessa once and for all" said Alphonse who slowly started putting his T.H.E.M. laser gun near Victor Jr.'s head. Victor was starting to worry about whether or not Agent Ray can help him Free Victor Jr. and Vanessa now that Alphonse is T.H.E.M. laser gun was getting closer and closer to victor junior, when Agent Ray pulled out his laser gun moved his hand towards the air._

"Oh yeah!" Servo exclaimed. "Bring on the child death!"

_Victor then figured out what Agent Ray was going to do. "Ray is going to hit him with the laser gun" thought Victor._

"Why the hell does everyone have to insist on using laser guns like clubs?" Mike asked. "Why not just use them the way they were meant to be used?"

_Just as all of that came to Victor Ray's hand with the laser gun started going near Alphonse. Then in one fast motion BAM Agent Ray hit Alphonse in the head knocking him down to floor. Dropping Victor Jr. and Vanessa._

"That last sentence was not a sentence," Crow said. "It was a sentence fragment."

_Anita and Mildred then came running into the house to try and catch Victor Jr. and Vanessa. Victor didn't know that Anita and Mildred were going to try to catch Victor Jr. and Vanessa, so jumping as fast as he could Victor dived onto the ground right near Alphonse. Anita and Mildred ran into the house to find that Victor had Already caught Victor Jr. and Vanessa brining them into total safety. "Whew" said Anita, Mildred, Victor and Ray at the same time._

"So glad we had Anita and Mildred trying to catch the kids when Victor was already close enough to save them," Servo said sarcastically. "Boy, was that intense."

"Too bad we're just getting started with this chapter," Crow said.

_Victor and Anita were just getting read to celebrate victory when Alphonse woke up. Alphonse grabbed his T.H.E.M. laser gun and shot Agent Ray several times knocking him out. "Ray" yelled Victor, Anita and Mildred at the same time._

"Oh no..." Crow muttered flatly. "I sure hope Ray makes it."

_"Ray helped me so I'm going to help him" thought Victor. Victor then started putting up a fight with Alphonse when bam Alphonse hit Victor over the head with the T.H.E.M. laser. Mildred didn't know what to do try to help her son Victor or save her grandchildren. Just then Anita yelled "get the Victor Jr. and Vanessa to safety." "Victor and Anita look like they need but they are secret agents so they can defend themselves, but my grandchildren can't" thought Mildred as she listened to Anita and grabbed Victor Jr. and Vanessa taking them somewhere they can be safe._

Crow and Servo could only groan at all the padding that was going on here.

_As Mildred took off with Victor Jr. and Vanessa Anita took out the laser gun she got earlier from the compartment under the seat in Agent Ray's skybike. Anita was about to shoot Alphonse when he punched Anita in the face knocking her unto the ground._

"Well," Servo began. "That was pointless."

_Victor got up and punched Alphonse when Alphonse took his T.H.E.M. laser gun and repeatedly hit victor over the head until Victor was knocked out. Alphonse then grabbed Anita ran outside slammed her on his T.H.E.M. skybike and flew off with Anita holding her hostage._

"Guys," Mike began. "How much longer is this fanfic?"

"Four chapters left, buddy," Crow replied. "Shouldn't be that much longer."

"I certainly hope not."

"Me neither. Alright, let's get back to reading this thing."

_Agent Ray began to wake up. "Ow" said agent Ray as he got up. Holding his chest and his head. Agent was in pain Agent Ray noticed that Anita, Mildred and the kids were gone. Agent Ray then ran up to Victor who appeared to be out cold. Agent Ray ran over to Victor and managed to put Victor on the couch. Agent Ray soon realized that Victor was in worse shape that he is._

"Oh no?" Crow asked.

_Agent Ray tried to get Victor to come to when he saw that Victor's face was covered in blood. Agent Ray thought Victor was going to need to go to the hospital or the U.Z.Z. infirmary when Victor's eye's opened up._

"Phew," Servo uttered. "We sure were worried."

_"OW" said Victor. "Are you okay?" asked Agent Ray. "I'm fine" began Victor he then noticed that he and Ray were the only one in the room._

"Clearly, you're not, Victor," Mike said.

_"Where's Anita, where's my kids, where's my mom" ray was just going to say that he thinks Alphonse got them when Mildred came running in with Victor Jr. and Vanessa" "your kids and I are fine" began Mildred "But Alphonse took off with Anita and…." Mildred saw that Victor's face was covered in blood "Oh my god" yelled Mildred "Victor your busted open. "I'm fine" said Victor. "We should get you to the hospital or the U.Z.Z. infirmary" said Mildred Victor looked at his mother Mildred and said "Where did Alphonse go with Anita?" "Victor you need to get help for that gash on your head." "I'll get that take care of later" began Victor "Anita is my wife and I love her more than life it's self and I'm not taking care of wounds or injuries I have until I find her, while I'm out looking for her can you please watch Victor Jr. and Vanessa for me so that they will be safe?"_

"Oh God..." Crow muttered. "Not this cheesy, over-sentimental crap again..."

_"Yes" replied Mildred "I will" Victor turned to start go out and get on his skybike. "wait" said Agent Ray I'm coming with you." "But your hurt" said Victor. "Your hurt to" began Agent Ray "and your hurt even more than I am and your still willing to fight for sake of your family, and If you can fight despite being busted open and injured more than me, then I can gather up strength and do whatever I can to help you with that fight."_

"That's not being strong," Servo began. "That's being stupid and reckless."

_"I do understand that you'd want to fight him, for revenge" began "I mean after all he had you restrained in that secret underground area at the T.H.E.M. base." "yes that is true" began Agent Ray "but that is not the only reason why I want continue helping you."_

Now Crow was intrigued. "Go on..."

_"Why else do you want to continue helping me?" asked Victor. "Because" said Agent Ray. "Because why" asked Victor. "Because "Anita has always been a good friend to me, and you have always been like a brother to me, when I was restrained at the secret underground area of the T.H.E.M base you could have left me there but no you freed me even though the Expandables could have caught you and restrained you to, or god knows what else they would have done to you."_

"You heard it here, folks," Servo said. "The only reason Victor saved Ray is because they're friends. Otherwise, he would've just left him to die in a cage."

_"You have been like a brother to me to, when I got my married you were my best man, and when Anita was pregnant you worked double so that I could spend more time taking care of Anita, and when I saw restrained all of the stuff you did for me came into my head, that is why I took the risk and freed you." said Victor._

"Otherwise, I wouldn't have given a damn about saving you," Crow said while imitating Victor.

_"Right now both you and I are going to find Anita." said Agent Ray as he and Victor ran over to their skybikes. "lets split up you look on the right end of town and I'll look on the left end of town" said Victor. "And we'll meet in the middle or better yet we will use our communicators to contact each other if any of us find anything" said Agent Ray." "Sounds like a plan" began Victor_

"Right on," Mike said. "Or... or... perhaps, you could just call for backup!"

_"ready?" "Ready" replied Agent Ray. And once again at the same time they said "lets do it." Victor and Agent Ray started in the middle of town they were looking in the middle for a little while and then decided it was time to split up. Victor took off towards the left and Agent Ray took off towards the right. Victor looked up and a bunch of different streets but nothing eventually an hour went by but still nothing. Agent Ray was on the right side looking up and down from a bunch of streets just like Victor was on the left side but he had the same luck as Victor absolutely nothing._

"Yawn," Crow said.

_"Did you find anything yet?" victor asked Agent Ray through his communicator. "Nothing" replied Agent Ray but "I'm still looking, how about you?" "My luck is just the same as yours" began Victor "I haven't found anything yet either but I'm not giving up I'm still looking to." "I'm not giving up either" said Agent Ray. "I am not going to eat. I'm not going to sleep and I'm not until Anita is safe and my family can be a family again" said Victor. "And I am no going to stop until I make sure that I helped you to the best of my ability to help you, I'll stay up all night if I have to help you, because just like I mentioned earlier Anita has always been a good friend to me and you have always been like a brother to me, and I'm not going to let you down." "he truly is like a brother to me" thought Victor._

Crow and Servo could only groan at all this padding that was going on here, especially when it was also the kind of sentimental crap that bordered on emotional diabetes.

"Just get on with it already!" Mike yelled at the author.

_He then picked up his communicator and said to Agent Ray "Thanks Bro." "Your welcome Bro" replied Agent Ray._

"No homo," Servo quipped while imitating Ray.

_Agent ray was just going to get on his communicator and tell Victor to meet him in the middle to discuss a new strategy when he noticed a skybike sitting in a bush by the abandoned art gallery with the T.. Logo on it with one of the U.Z.Z. laser guns he let Anita borrow earlier that night._

"Hooray!" Crow exclaimed. "Another plot point!"

_Agent Ray then picked up his communicator got a hold of Victor and said "Victor I think I know where Anita is." "Where asked Victor" "At the abandoned art gallery" began. "How do you know" asked Victor. "Because there is a T.H.E.M. skybike in one of the bushes." "it can belong to any expandable" said Victor "but began Agent Ray there is an U.Z.Z. laser gun with the word special on it under and above the U.Z.Z. logo, I wrote that on all of my laser guns, and earlier tonight I let Anita borrow one of them."_

"We already knew this!" Crow and Servo simultaneously yelled at the author. "Stop repeating things like we're morons!"

_"Good call Ray" began Victor "I'm on my Way" moments later Victor was there with Agent Ray. As they were flying over to the abandoned gallery Victor looked at Agent Ray and said "here goes nothing and in no time they were outside of the abandoned Gallery Victor and Agent Ray started running as fast as they could towards the entrance._

"Finally," Servo began. "Something awesome might happen. It's about time!"

_TO BE CONTINUED………………………………........................................................._

"Alright," Mike began. "Onto Chapter 8."


	8. Chapter 8

_Within a few seconds Victor and Agent Ray were going through the front door. As Victor and Agent Ray went in they heard screaming but they didn't see Anita. Just then Alphonse appeared. "Well, well, well what do we have here" said Alphonse. "where's Anita" yelled Victor. "Lets put it this way" began Alphonse "your wife Anita is unable to be here or anywhere she can possibly be with you, in fact she is almost incapable of doing anything ever again." "I don't like the sounds of that" said Agent Ray._

"Uh..." Crow tried to come up with some witty comeback. "Jeepers, Shaggy."

_Just then Victor and Agent Ray heard another scream. "he's hurting her" began Victor "I just know it, he's hurting her."_

"How is Alphonse hurting her?" Servo asked, confused. "He's standing right there!"

"Who cares?" Crow replied with another question. "I can't wait for Anita to die!"

_"We will be able to save her" said Agent Ray. "No you wont" began Alphonse "This time there is absolutely nothing you can do to save her." Right after Alphonse said that Victor and Agent Ray heard another scream. Just then three expandables came flying into the room. Alphonse saw the expandables body fly out of nowhere into walls and tables and one into the garbage. "What the.." said Alphonse as Anita walked out._

"Holy crap!" Mike exclaimed. "Anita just killed someone! Maybe she's not so weak after all..."

Crow just shook his head. "Oh, Mike. You're giving this author way too much credit."

_All along it was the Expandables who were screaming. "How did you take down all those expandables?" "Well" began Anita "I didn't do all those years of combat training for nothing."_

"And yet the author constantly portrays you as a damsel-in-distress who can't think for herself," Servo said. "I'm sure he just likes to conveniently forget that you can fight just as well as Victor can."

_Out of nowhere two more expandables yanked Anita while ten others distracted Victor and Agent Ray. Victor Agent Ray b egan fighting the Expandables. Victor threw one into the wall. Agent Ray punched another expandable and slammed that expandable's head into the wall shattering the the helmet Ray then delivered a second punch knocking that Expandable out. Agent Ray then punched A the third Expandabble when the fourth came flying at him on the T.H.E.M. skybike ray moved out of the way causing the fourth expandable to run over the third expandable before crashing nto the wall._

"Just a little bit of murder!" Crow exclaimed.

_Victor pulled out his Laser gun shot the fifth expandable several time taking him out before throwing the sixth expandable through a glass table. Victor punched the seventh expandablr repeatedly until the seventh expandable was out cold. Agent Ray smacked the eith expandable over the head twice knocking him out. The two remaining expandables retreated._

"Worst orchestrated fight scene ever written," Mike said.

_Victor and ray looked around and realized Anita wasn't there. Victor and Agent Ray were so distracted with the expandables that they didn't see the expandables tase Anita and take her out of the room._

"I'm sorry... what?!" Crow yelled out.

_"Where's Anita?" asked Victor. Alphonse just smiled. "Where's…." said victor as he saw Anita against the old mountain display that was made out of real boulders. "Right there" said Alphonse finally saying where Anita is. Victor saw a device with digits on it counting down in between the boulders. "Tell me that's not a…" Alphonse cut Victor off "Bomb" "I could tell you it's not, but that would be lying it is a bomb, and pretty soon" began Alphonse the bomb is going to go off and boom all the boulders will crush and kill Anita, and it will happen in exactly two hours ha, ha, ha, ha, ha." Victor began to think really hard about how he could save Anita and fast._

Mike had his face buried into his hands. "Oh my God..." he groaned. "This is so stupid. Why can't Anita just try to break herself free? She was able to take down those Expendables earlier, so why can't she try to escape? But whatever, let's see what Victor will come up with."

"He better rain down some vengeance on this asshole!" Crow yelled.

_Vcitor soon had an idea of what he could do, he could sacrifice himself to save Anita._

"Huh?" Mike asked, dumbfounded by what he just read.

_"I've got to do this, it's Anitas only hope" Victor looked at Alphonse "Alphonse I'll make you a deal" said Victor. "What kind of deal?" asked Alphonse. "A deal that you can't refuse" said Victor._

"Was that a Godfather reference?" Crow asked.

"I... I think it was," Servo replied.

_"Go on" said Alphonse. "I'll let do what ever torture you want to do to me if you just let Anita go" "Alright fine" began Alphonse "Then you will have to be the one tied up to the boulders when they explode" Victor put his Arms out so he could easily be hand cuffed._

Mike couldn't believe what he was reading. "What? No, we're doing this?"

_Agent Ray began to think of a way to get some back up from U.Z.Z. and then he realized he is a special agent so has a special chip built into his watch that can contact U.Z.Z. at any giving time and tell U.Z.Z. exactly where he is. Agent Ray then waited for just right time when Alphonse was looking._

"Finally!" Crow exclaimed. "It took you eight chapters, but you did it. You finally did it. You decided to call for backup."

_Alphonse begin to walk a handcuffed Victor over to where Anita is this way Victor can be tied to boulders while Anita gets freed. At that moment alphonse wasn't looking at Agent Ray. "Here's my chance" thought Agent Ray as he reached for his watch. Agent Ray quickly pushed the button on his watch contacting U.Z.Z. After Agent Ray pushed the button on his watch his watch beeped. Alphonse heard the sound and then turned around._

"Uh-oh!" Crow and Servo exclaimed at the same time.

_"What was that sound?" asked Alphonse. "Uh" began Agent Ray "It was my watch uh it uh goes off every…. Hour" "Oh" said Alphon se as he turned away "Wait a minute" yelled Alphonse angrily "you're a special agent and all the special agents at U.Z.Z. have special chips in their watches that contact U.Z.Z. and tell them exactly where you are at the push of a button, and you used that chip by pressing that button and now U.Z.Z. is on it's way" Alphonse made the angriest face he had ever made._

"He hasn't seen angry 'til he's seen _me_ angry!" Crow yelled while imitating Alphonse.

"You already made that joke back in Chapter 4," Servo pointed out.

"I know, but this author deserves all the rehashed jokes we can use."

"Fair enough."

_Alphonse released Anita from the boulders threw her on the floor and then tied Victor to the boulders. "since you want to pull a fast one" Alphonse began to Yeall at Agent Ray "I'm going to torture victor until the bomb and boulders kill him." No body relised at this point that an hour an fourty five minutes went by since the bomb was activated, atleast no body but Alphonse._

"Can't you guys do something until backup gets here?!" Mike yelled at the incompetent agents. "Seriously?!"

_Alphonse then pulled out a thick steel chain. Alphonse took the chains and repeatedly hit Victor until Victor was covered in blood again, Alphonse didn't stop there he began to hit Victor in the stomache up until there were on ly two minutes left until the bomb goes off._

"Damn," Crow said. "Victor's already messed up from earlier, and now he's covered in blood from head to toe. I'm surprised he's not dead already."

"Oh, but he will be," Servo assured him. "He will be... I hope."

_"Even when U.Z.Z. gets here it is going to be too late for Victor" said Alphonse with his evilest smile yet. A bunch of U.Z.Z. agents were getting near the abandoned gallery. There was only one minute left. "Can you pause the countdown" asked Victor." "Why" asked Alphonse. "Because I have one last request before you kill me" said Victor "What is your final request?" asked Alphonse. "I want to kiss Anita one last time" said Victor. "Yes" said Alphone angrily "You have two minutes" Alphonse paused the countdown which was down to thirty seconds._

"Finally!" Mike exclaimed. "Now's your chance to escape!"

_Anita ran over to Victor. Victor and Anita kissed. "I love you Anita" said Victor."I love you to" said Anita who began to cry. Victor and Anita kissed. "I'll always love you" said Victor as Anita was yanked away by Alphonse._

Mike sighed heavily. "Oh, of course he doesn't use this opportunity to escape. He has to waste it on this sentimental drivel..." He facepalmed hard enough to leave a mark on his face. "These characters... they're dead to me, guys. They're... they're just gone."

_Alphonse resumed the countdown. Thirty twenty nine, twenty eight twenty seven twenty six, read the bomb as the U.Z.Z Agents were pulling into the abandoned art gallery. Twenty five, twenty four, twenty three, twenty two, twenty one twenty. the U.Z.Z. agents were running to the door. Nineteen, eighteen, seventeen, sixteen, fifteen. The U.Z.Z. agents were at the door. Fouteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven, ten. The U.Z.Z. agents opened the door. Nine, eight, seven, six, five. The U.Z.Z. agents ran into the art gallery. Four, three, two, one. "No" Anita cried. BOOM._

"And we didn't even lift a finger to help him!" Crow cried while imitating Anita. "We really are the worst people ever..."

_TO BE CONTINUED………………………………....................................................................._

"Does it even matter if we continue reading at this point?" Mike asked with a sigh. "Can't we just stop here?"

"Nope," Crow replied. "Gotta keep going or we'll never hear the end of it. Only three chapters left and we'll be done."


	9. Chapter 9

_The bomb exploded causing boulders to fall all over the place but mostly where Victor was._

"Thanks, agentmatt," Crow said. "We just needed confirmation that the boulders actually killed him."

_The U.Z.Z. agents were finally in the building ready to take action but it was too late the bomb already went off. "Oh no" began agent Kowalski "We're too late" Anita was on the ground crying she figured there was no way at all Victor could have survived all of that._

"Oh, for God's sake..." Servo muttered. "This is the third time the author has done this with Victor. He did it in 'Victor to the rescue,' he did it in 'Anita's Birthday Gift,' and now he's done it here. Can't he just have him die and leave it at that?"

_While Anita was crying Alphonse tried to act like he tried to help but couldn't , but he forgot about Agent Ray. "Cuff Alphonse" yelled Agent Ray. "Kowalski looked over "Special Agent Ray." "I thought you….." began Kowalski as Ray cut her off. "I was not on a vacation at all began Agent Ray "I was restrained in a cage, you know what lets cuff Alphonse and bring him to U.Z.Z., its time everyone one knew the truth about Alphonse, and then pretty much everything will be explained to you."_

"Man, this author seems to have an explanation fetish, doesn't he?" Mike wondered to himself.

_So they did as ray instructed and cuffed Alphonse put him on the back of one the skybikes and flew him to the U.Z.Z. base. In the U.Z.Z. Base Alphonse was brought into the briefing room where he was cuffed to a chair until they can figure out what to do with him._

"Uh, send him to jail?" Crow asked aloud.

"Nah," Servo replied. "This story isn't quite anemic enough. How about we just take a couple chapters to discuss what his fate should be?"

"Dammit."

"That's the way this story goes, baby."

_Agent Ray and everyone at U.Z.Z. proceeded to the briefing room. Changed Daily walked in. "Agent Ray" began Changed Daily "I thought you were…" Agent Ray cut him off "No I was not on a vacation I was trapped In a cage. Everything will be explained in a few." At this point so much ran through Anita's mind, "how will she live without Victor, How will she tell his mom, and now her kids will have to grow up without a father, more tears went down Anita's face._

"Like I'm supposed to give a damn," Mike said.

_"Alright" began Agent Ray "Now that all of U.Z.Z. are here…" "Where's Victor" asked Changed Daily. "I think Alphonse can answer that one, after all hw killed him" said Agent Ray with anger. "What" said Changed Daily. "Victor was tied to boulders that were blown up by a bomb that Alphonse detonated, he was going to kill Anita but Victor insisted that he kill him instead, and that explosion there is no way victor could have survived in fact we will probably never be able to find his body" said Agent Ray._

"I mean, we _could_ look for his body, but we just don't feel like it," Crow said while imitating Ray. "After all, if we couldn't be bothered to save him, then why should we even try to retrieve what's left of him?"

_"How did this All happen?" asked Changed daily._

"Oh no..." Servo muttered while dreading the padding that would follow.

_"I'm going to explain all of it now" began Agent Ray "On Monday after we find out about T.H.E.M. beginning to bring back to un-invent Ray I dropped my sunglasses, later that night I returned to find them so there I was looking for them when out of nowhere I was attacked by expandables, just then I noticed Alphonse was there, I asked him what he was doing there and all I could remember After that was Alphonse hitting me in the head with a lead pie and then I woke in the secret underground area of T.H.E.M. restrained on the inside of a cage, the next night I was trying to escape when……."_

"What's with the pause?" Mike asked. "Oh wait, let me guess. It turns out Victor survived those boulders crushing him, doesn't it?"

_Agent Ray was cut off by a voice of a guy that sounded like he was in pain that said "I discovered he was there" every turned around to see that it was Victor._

Mike just sighed. "Yep."

"Sacrifices only work if you're dead, you moron!" Crow yelled.

_In a hard to explain sort of way Victor survived. "Victor" said Anita as she ran over to him "Your alive." "I am but I think I might have broken some of my rib bones" said Victor. Who had a bit of a hard time walking, who was also cut open in several different pots._

"Where did the pots come from?" Servo asked. "And why were they cut?"

_"do you want to get some help for those injuries or would you help explain everything that's been going on in the last couple of days" asked Agent Ray. Victor then noticed that Alphonse was cuffed to a chair. "I am going to help you explain everything" said Victor._

It was right then and there that Servo lost it. He just screamed as loudly as he could for as long as he could.

_So Victor and Agent Ray continued where Agent Ray left off. "Like Victor said" began Agent Ray "Victor discovered me in the cage, at first he pulled the tape off my face, and might I add he pulled it off hard, any way we then talked for a few minutes and then Victor used his Laser gun to free me…" Changed Daily cut Agent Ray off "That letter we received was….." Victor cut Changed Daily off "Fake, Alphonse did a good job fooling everybody" "He also fooled security" began Changed Daily "And I take security very seriously, and it is reasons of security why my name is Changed Daily today you may call me" his communicator beeped "OHH, Brian Booger Boy." everybody especially Victor and Anita were laughing. "Please continue to Explain everything" said Brian Booger Boy. "Very well said Agent Ray" Agent once again Left off where he was, "After Victor freed me him and I left the T.H.E.M. base" "Why was Victor you at the T.H.E.M. base?" asked Brian Booger Boy._

"Ugh..." Mike groaned. "Do we really have to read all this?"

_"Alphonse was acting strange and not to mention he was able to go to the T.H.E.M base and get the un-invent ray without back up and without putting up a fight so I decided to see if I could find an out and I did that was the first night I was there I was there again the next night and that was when I discovered Agent Ray in the cage so I freed him, and after that everything become a war said Victor"_

"Yeah, a stupid, pointless war!" Crow yelled.

_"What else happened? Asked Changed Daily. "I'll take it from here" said Victor. "Ray and I were going to head over here to U.Z.Z. when my communicator went off it was Anita so asked to come home right away and that it was an emergency, so Ray and I went over to my house and saw that the door had been broken down, Anita was holding her head and said that Alphonse hit her in the head and kidnapped our children, Agent Ray and I brought Anita over to my mother's house, and then we went looking for a Alphonse and we did find him but he tricked us, and we ended up chasing him again and then he broke into my mom's house, Ray was able to help me free my kids and then Alphonse shot rays several times with a T.H.E.M. laser gun and repeatedly hit me over the head with it and then he kidnapped Anita and that's when we ended up in the art gallery and the he tried to kill Anita but insisted that he kill me instead and then he tried to by tying me to a boulder that had a bomb attached to it, when no one was paying attention to me I pulled out my pocket knife and cut the rope but I made it look like the rope was still on me and when the boulders started falling I managed to hide under a rock that was already on the ground however a couple of rock and boulders still landed on me but were not enough to kill me."_

"Why didn't you use that opportunity to escape?!" Servo asked, irritated by what he had just read. "You had the perfect opportunity to escape and you blew it! I'm starting to think you _should've_ died back at the art gallery."

_Everybody including Brian Booger Boy and Professor Professor were speechless to hear all of this. "That's right" said Victor randomly "my mom has my kids and I still have to explain everything to….." Victors mother Mildred cut him off "I heard everything." Mildred at one point was a secret Agent at U.Z.Z. so she is allowed to be in the U.Z.Z. base at any time she wants._

"Thank you for that," Mike said.

_Mildred was holding both Victor Jr. and Vanessa in her arms. Victor and Anita both walked up to Mildred and Victor picked up Vanessa, and Anita picked up Victor Jr._

Crow just sighed. "Let's just get this over with, please..."

_Brian Booger Boy began to speak "Put Alphonse in a holding cell, and in two days I will come up with a decision on what to two with him." Victor and Anita decided to stay in a room at the U.Z.Z. base with both Victor Jr. and Vanessa, and Victor's mother Mildred just until Brian Booger Boy decides what to do with Alphonse._

"Yawn," Servo said.

_Before Victor and Anita went to bed Victor went to the U.Z.Z. infirmary to get all of his gashes and injuries checked out. Professor Professor had invented a new kind of x-ray machine that was totally untested and highly dangerous to test in Victor, and for once this invention worked and didn't do anything dangerous, Professor Professor began to talk "Just like I had suspected you didn't break and bones at all however you did fracture your ribs, so I am going to put a big bandage on up your ribs and stitch up all three of those gashes which are on your head, your arm, an d on your chest."_

"But..." Mike began. "Ribs _are_ bones. Why do I have to read this?"

_After Professor Professor was done wrapping the big bandage around Victor's ribs and stitching the three gashes on Victor's body Victor went back into the room where Anita was with Victor Jr., Vanessa, and his mother Mildred. Just like that two days had gone by. Everybody at U.Z.Z. including Victor, Anita and Professor Professor, ecept for Mildred who stayed in another room with Victor Jr. and Vanessa were in the briefing room awaiting Brian Booger Boy to come in and make his decision. Just then Brian Booger Boy walked in._

"Dun dun dun!" Servo sang.

_TO BE CONTINUED………………………………........................................................._

Mike just took a deep breath. "Okay, guys. Just two chapters left..."


	10. Chapter 10

_"Alright" began Brian Booger Boy "before we begin, I would like to hear Alphonse's side of the story but before I do that I have to get new name as part of security, and I take security very seriously and that is why my name is Changed Daily today you may call me" his communicator beeped "OHH, Aunty Bubble Bath."_

"Aw, c'mon," Crow whined. "Do we really have to hear Alphonse's side of the story?"

_Everyone started laughing. Just then Aunty Bubble Bath said to Alphonse "You may speak now."_

"Just get it over with, please," Mike said.

_"Well Aunty Bubble Bath" began Alphonse "I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, I mean I was just doing my job at U.Z.Z. while Victor plotted a whole bunch of nonsense tricks and scheme to get me fired, and you know just as well as I do that Victor and I don't get along, and that he would persistently try to get rid of me."_

"Sure you were, Alphonse," Servo said.

_Victor and Anita were both angry about what they were hearing Alphonse was trying to look like he is the good guy and make Victor look like he is the bad guy._

"Well, duh!" Crow exclaimed.

_Alphonse continued to talk "Agent Ray helped Victor, he faked going on a vacation so that he and Victor could put there evil scheme together…"_

"And you really expect us to believe that?" Mike asked.

_Victor cut Alphonse off. "Aunty Bubble Bath" began Victor "I would like to say a few things." "You can speak when Alphonse gets done speaking" said Aunty Bubble Bath. "Anyway" continued Alphonse "when I went to T.H.E.M. to get the un-invent ray Victor must of somehow sent Agent Ray a message telling him that I went to the T.H.E.M. base so that he could hide there for a couple days, and I don't even know where Agent Ray could have hid unless he's a double Agent working for T.H.E.M. and was able to hide in the T.H.E.M. base, until he and Victor could secretly kidnap his kids and then his wife to frame me, I am done talking."_

"Liar, liar, liar, liar!" Servo and Crow sang together.

_"Victor" began Aunty Bubble bath "you may now speak." "Everything Alphonse is telling you is nothing but a big lie, first of all when Anita and I were supposed to go to the T.H.E.M. base how come Alphonse didn't want us to go, if I'm not mistaking he yelled NO I will go, and then he said he could use the practice but he would still need back up when he faces expandables, and second of all how come he was able to go to the T.H.E.M. base and retrieve the un-invent ray without needing, backup and without getting trapped and how come he didn't appear to have had to put up a fight?, third of all why would I do something as idiotic as kidnap my wife and my kids, and even if I don't get along with Alphonse kidnapping my wife and kids wont make any see why I don't get along with him and not only that but if I kidnapped my wife and kids would my wife let be anywhere near her and or our kids cause if you hadn't noticed I was with her and my kids all night and I've been sitting next to her all day, so seriously Aunty Bubble Bath you can't believe anything Alphonse said."_

"Yawn," Mike said.

_"Alright before I take some more time to think about what to do and how to believe would anybody else like to speak" asked Aunty Bubble Bath. "I want to" said Agent Ray." I want to too" said Anita. "Alright" began Aunty Bubble Bath "ladies first so Anita will speak and after she gets done Ray will speak."_

"Yeah, give the scumbags time to talk," Servo said.

_So Anita began to speak "Alphonse said that Victor kidnapped me and my kids which are Victor's kids, none of that is true Victor has always been a very excellent husband to me and a wonderful father to our children and not only that after everything Alphonse did Victor worked his hardest to stop him and Victor almost died just to save me, and he got busted wide open to save our kids in which if the cut was any bigger he could of internally bled, a lot of guys would have took off instead of going through all that but not Victor, Victor is a true man and did what ever he could to protect our kids, when victor got gashed open he was fighting alphonse to keep him away from Victor Jr. and Vanessa because Alphonse pointed a T.H.E.M. laser gun at Victor Jr. and tried to kill him, and thanks to victor our kids are alive and well so like Victor said you cant possibly b elieve alphonse, and that is all I have to say."_

"Gee," Crow began. "It sure would've been nice if the author had _showed_ us Victor being an 'excellent husband' and a 'wonderful father' instead of just telling us that he was."

"Sure would've been," Mike agreed. "And what the hell does his masculinity have to do with any of this?"

_"Okay Ray" began Aunty Bubble Bath "you may now speak." "Alphonse said I was hiding at the T.H.E.M. base I was not, like I said yesterday I lost my sunglasses during a mission U.Z.Z. had go on over there at the T.H.E.M. base I figured since it was night time everyone at the T.H.E.M. base would probably be asleep so I felt it was a good time time look for my sunglasses without being bothere and then I was attacked by expandables and then I saw Alphonse and like I said yesterday I asked him what he was doing there and all I remember is Alphonse hitting my over the head with a lead pipe and then I woke up restrained in a cage in a secret underground area of the T.H.E.M. base, two nights later Victor discovered me there, and then he freed me and when we went outside"_

"Yawn," Servo said.

_Agent Ray remembered what Victor showed him, or played to him "While we were outside I asked Victor what he was doing at the T.H.E.M. base and just like Victor explained yesterday he was onto Alphonse because of how weird Alphonse was acting, so he went to the T.H.E.M. base to see if he can find anything out and he did and next night he wanted to find out more so he went back and that is when he discovered me in that unerground Area restrained to a cage, it was after Victor freed me when he showed me what he found out, he had a recording of Alphonse and Doctor Doctor talking and I think Victor still has it, and he sent it to my communicater too just incase he's goes missing or gets broken or something and I would like to play it back now"_

"Okay, wait a damn minute," Mike began. "You're telling me that right before Victor and Ray went off to grab whatever the hell it was Ray needed from his house... Victor sent him the recording of Alphonse's conversation with Doctor Doctor? Why in the hell would you not do anything with it until now? I just..." Mike clutched his head and started groaning. "Ow... this plot hole... I think it's giving me a headache."

_"Go ahead" said Aunty Bubble Bath. So Agent Ray pulled out his communicater and played everything outloud, and everyone at U.Z.Z. heard how Alphonse said that T.H.E.M. is better than U.Z.Z., and how U.Z.Z. doesn't suspect anything, and how he needs the replica un-invent ray and most shocking of all how Doctor Doctor called Alphonse Special Expandable Alphonse._

"Man, I wish Victor had used that recording earlier," Crow said. "Then we wouldn't have to read any of this!"

_"That would explain why I couldn't figure out how to get it to work" said Professor Professor. "That is it" began Aunty Bubble Bath "Alphonse is the bad guy, and I am going to take a break and while I do I will decide exactly what to do._

"At least this fanfic is almost over," Servo said. "So... what's left?"

_So everyone relaxed as Aunty Bubble Bath went outside to take his break. While Aunty Bubble Bath was thinking Victor and Anita were just Happy that it was all almost over and Alphonse was going to get what he deserves but they will be even happier when Alphonse gets punished. Within forty five minutes Aunty Bubble Bath was back._

"Dun dun dunnn!" Crow sang.

_TO BE CONTINUED………………………………........................................................._

Mike let out a deep sigh. "Alright. Just one more chapter... then it'll all be over."


	11. Chapter 11

_"Now" began Aunty Bubble Bath "before I do make this decision I am going to point out that being a double agent adds to the punishment, for U.Z.Z. does not tolerate double agents."_

Crow pretended to be shocked by this. "A secret agency that doesn't like double agents? What a novel concept."

_Alphonse didn't like what he was hearing. "I have a couple of things I would like to put out in the air" said Agent Ray. "You may do so" said Aunty Bubble Bath. "Earlier" began Agent Ray "Alphonse pointed out that him and Victor don't get along with each other, he then tried to say because of that Victor would do what ever he could to get rid of him but Alphonse doesn't have anything on Victor that would make him go as far as do any of the things Alphonse accused him of, however Alphonse stated that He and Victor don't get along with each other therefore that could make Alphonse do what ever he can to get rid of Victor, and there is one thing on my mind that I know for a fact that Victor has on Alphonse"_

"You mean besides the audio recording?" Servo asked. "Please explain, Ray. I'd love to know what else Victor could have on our 'antagonist.'"

_"What could that be?" asked Aunty Bubble But._

"Why is his name 'Aunty Bubble But' now?" Crow asked, confused. "What, can the author not be bothered to spell-check the name he came up with?"

_"Anita" answered Agent Ray. "Explain" said Aunty Bubble Bath._

"Yes, Ray," Servo said. "Explain. I dare you! I double dare you!"

_"Well" began Agent Ray "you have to remember that at one point she was dating Alphonse, but after a while they broke up and when they did Anita started dating Victor and then they slowed down until the night Victor proposed to Anita, and well Victor came to me for some advice when he planned to propose for her , anyway as I was saying Anita accepted Victor's proposal, and I was just leaving U.Z.Z. to go home a couple of days after that when I heard Alphonse talking to Anita in front of Victor about Victor being nothing and that she would better than him but clearly Victor is better for her, and to make it worse Alphonse pulled out a ring and proposed to Alphonse and after all of that Anita made the right choice Victor, and that alone can make hate grow inside of Alphonse just that itself could make him want to get rid of Victor."_

"Wait, seriously?" Mike asked, dumbfounded by this revelation. "The reason Alphonse is evil is because Anita rejected him? That's your reason for him suddenly wanting to make her life hell? Seriously? Also, why would anyone in their right mind use a marriage proposal to justify telling someone that they're the best decision they ever made to marry? So... just because Anita made the right decision to marry Victor, it's okay to use it as a gauge of how great a man he truly is? What the hell, agentmatt? What kind of logic is that?"

"And wait," Crow began. "If Ray was around when Alphonse first approached Victor and Anita back in 'Anita's Birthday Gift,' then why the hell didn't he step in and tell Alphonse to back off, especially after Alphonse proposed to Anita _right in front of Victor_? Oh, wait, I know why... because this is only being brought up _now!_ "

_Alphonse began to shout "Why would I want to be with that whore?"_

"Whoa!" Servo exclaimed. "Language, Alphonse! This fanfic is rated 'K' for kids."

"Wha... for real?" Crow asked while a bit taken aback by that revelation.

"Yep."

"I..." Crow just sighed. "Let's move on."

_After hearing what Alphonse said Victor's anger rose, Victor pulled his sleeves up and started going toward Alphonse ready to fight when 4 U.Z.Z. agents grabbed Victor trying to stop him but Victor was strong the four Agents alone were struggling to hold him back. Next thing you know a fifth Agent started grabbing him and now there were five agents holding him back and that wasn't enough Victor broke free of their hold Victor was about to Punch Alphonse when Agent Ray Grabbed Victors fist._

"Jesus..." Mike muttered. "Work on your damn sentence structures. It's killing me."

_"Calm down" began Agent Ray "Just relax or you'll end up getting suspended" "Fine" said Victor "but it is not over yet."_

"No, it's not over yet, Alphonse," Crow said. "You'll get what's yours soon enough."

_"Are you going to do something about Victor" said Alphonse. "Why" asked Aunty Bubble But. "Because he tried to hit me" "Really" began Aunty Bubble Bath "I didn't see anything, Did you ray?" "Nope not at all" replied Agent Ray. Alphonse was mad that Victor tried to hit him and didn't get in any trouble at all._

"Wow, what a Gary Stu," Servo said. "I think I'll side with Alphonse here. Victor should've been punished for that little stunt even if his co-workers are also his friends... some friends they are."

_"I'm going to make him tell the truth about everything one way or the other thought Victor as he laughed about getting away with almost punching Alphonse. Aunty Bubble Bath cleared his throat and was starting to speak not realizing that while all the U.Z.Z. agents were there in the briefing room awaiting his decision on what to do with Alphonse that no one was guarding U.Z.Z. at all._

"Oh, gee," Mike began. "I wonder if this will lead to something."

_"Alright" began Aunty Bubble Bath "I have decided on what should be done with Alphonse" as Aunty Bubble Bath was talking they heard noises coming from the control room and just after that about fifteen expandables ran into briefing room where everybody was._

"Oh no!" Crow exclaimed. "The Expendables are here! Whatever shall we do?"

_One of them shot the cuffs that restrained Alphonse to the chair. Victor looked at his mother Mildred and yelled " take Anita and the kids to a safe spot and hurry" so Mildred took the kids but Anita wanted to stay back incase U.Z.Z. needs back up. Just then another expandable shot the chains keeping Alphonse legs restrained to the char now Alphonse was freed. Everybody including Anita were fighting off the expandables but everyone but Victor was watching Alphonse._

"Wait, was everyone fighting off the Expendables or watching Alphonse?" Mike asked, confused. "Make up your mind!"

_Alphonse started running towards the door. "Oh no you don't" yelled Victor. "Oh yes I do" yelled Alphonse. Right after that Victor pushed Alphonse against the wall so hard that the entire wall fell apart._

"Damn, Victor!" Crow exclaimed. "Who are you, Chuck Norris?"

_Victor rolled up his sleeves as Alphonse started getting up "Now" began Victor "after everything thing you've done to me especially in the last couple of days I am going to enjoy doing this"_

Mike just laughed. "'Everything thing...' You kids and your everything things..."

_Alphonse saw that Victor had sleeves up prepared to fight. Alphonse started making a fist while he went towards Victor. Meanwhile U.Z.Z. pretty much had the number of agent advantage over the expandables making it pretty easy to take them on._

"Thank you for that," Servo said.

_Alphonse threw a punch at Victor, but Victor blocked it and threw a punch sending Alphonse at the wall. Alphonse got started getting back up. While Alphonse was getting back up he pulled out a T.H.E.M. laser gun and shot toward Victor causing Victor to get distracted when trying to avoid it. This distraction allowed Alphonse to punch Victor, but Victor didn't move an inch._

"Okay, Mike," Crow began. "Take a guess on who's going to win this fight. Seriously, guess."

"Uh... is it Victor?" Mike guessed.

"Pretty much where this is heading, so yeah."

"Oh, boy! I can't wait to see how this ends."

"Me neither. It'll still be a terribly written fight."

_Victor then pulled out his laser gun a fired towards Alphonse. That distracted Alphonse and then Victor took his fist and with all of his might bam, he punched Alphonse so hard that Alphonse was knocked out instantly._

"Falcon... PUNCH!" Servo yelled out.

_Agent Ray saw everything and laughed as he said "KO!!!!." by now all of the expandables had left knowing they were out numbered. Agent Ray took Alphonse's knocked out body and restrained him to chair. Just then Aunty Bubble Bath came out and said "without further ado I think I should just go ahead and say exactly what we should do with Alphonse should I?" "Yes!!!" said everyone in the room especially Victor, Anita and Agent Ray._

"Yes, please!" Crow, Servo, and Mike all yelled out. "Just get it over with!"

_"Very well" began Aunty Bubble Bath "we have enough evidence to lock him up for ten years, this all includes kidnapping two kids and two adults, and attempted 5 counts of attempted murder because he tried to kill Victor, Anita, Victor Jr. and Vanessa and Agent Ray, endangering the welfare of two children and other charges, and now that I think about it we have enough evidence to lock him up for twenty years so that is it I sentence him to twenty years. Everybody was happy including Agent Ray especially Victor and Anita. Mildred came out with Victor Jr. and Vanessa in her arms._

"Uh, pretty sure Aunty Bubble Bath doesn't have the legal authority to send someone to jail," Mike pointed out. "Like, yes, this is a secret agency that strives to fight every threat to humanity there is... but it's not a replacement for _regular_ law enforcement. He still needs to get through the criminal court for trial and sentencing processes. I think he might also be extradited back to Italy to pay for his crimes, but what do I know?"

_"I heard everything" said Mildred "this means that…" Anita cut off "This nightmare is over." "Remind me to put advance security systems at home and at my mother's house" said Victor to Anita "I'll remind you." that night Mildred spent the night at Victor and Anita's house. Mildred slept in Victor Jr. and Vanessa's room with Victor Jr. and Vanessa. Back in Victor and Anita's room. Victor and Anita were talking. "Thanks for standing up and talking earlier, you helped everyone at U.Z.Z. believe me, I got to thank Ray tomorrow to, but you were awesome I mean you told so many good things about me." said Victor "I meant every word of it I mean you almost died twice trying to save my life and you also risked your life saving our kids, yesterday when the bomb went off I thought I lost you" said Anita. "You didn't I'm here and no matter what I will never ever leave you." "Ray was right" began Anita "I did make the right decision when I chose you" Victor smiled "I love you Anita." I love you too" said Anita. They then went to bed._

Mike started puking from the over-sentimental, over-the-top dialogue going on here.

"You okay, Mike?" Crow asked out of concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Mike replied. "Let's just finish this."

_The next day Victor did what he said he would do he called Agent Ray on his communicator and thanked him, and then Victor installed the most advanced security systems he could get in he and Anita's house, and in his mother Mildred's house. And just like that everyone was back to normal, knowing that when Alphonse gets out Victor Jr. Vanessa will be like twenty years old._

"We know," Servo said. "Stop repeating things like we're stupid."

_Victor, Anita, and the kids could be a happy family again knowing that after all of that the nightmare was officially over._

"And thus, this fanfic tetralogy is over," Crow said.

_THE END……………….._

In an instant, Crow, Servo, and Mike started cheering, for they had survived this terrible fanfic and everything wrong with it.

"I'm so glad this is all over," Crow said. "I hope the next fanfic we have to read won't be as terrible as this one was."

"Me too," Servo agreed. "I don't know how much more of the walls of text and characters acting like idiots we can take."

Mike sighed a breath of relief. "I'm so glad I had you guys to help me get through it. I don't know what I would've done by myself. Still, I can tell that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Crow nodded in agreement. Truly, their friendship would be one to last them for ages.


End file.
